“Friends are medicine for a wounded heart, and vitamins for a hopeful soul.”
– Steve Maraboli

“There is nothing on this Earth more to be prized than true friendship.”
– Thomas Aquinas

Zy Marquiez
May 5, 2019

The last few days have been a blur.

Ever since my grandma died, I’ve sought to keep my mind as busy as possible, and it’s worked most of the time.  Though keeping my mind that autopilot-focused usually personally leads me to getting more done, it definitely removes a lot of the mindfulness I usually employ.

It’s in that mindfulness that I make my best decisions, respond well to situations, and take a very holistic approach to instances (most of the time) while also being able to remain fluid to whatever happens.  Not unlike a navigator adjusting the sails proportional to the winds and using what could be a problem to become a solution.

With the unintended and yet detrimental removal of mindfulness from my mental routine the last few days through an autopilot process, it reminds me of how used to operate with Poker at a time.  Except with Poker, 90%+ of my personal autopiloting is somewhat detrimental, while at least here, it’s helping me cope.  That doesn’t mean it’s the best option, I’m not sure what the best option to coping is.  That said, not talking about losing someone and holding it in isn’t one of them, and that’s not something I’ve done at least.

The coping mechanism I believe I employ is very similar to my emotional mechanism, for lack of better words.[1]  In a sense, it puts me incredibly guarded to my emotions, much more so than usual, and I can see myself being a bit despondent and distant due to that.

Being cognizant of these type of emotions and others is something that gives me a starting point at least to move forward, and when junctioned with the fact that I realize I need to employ mindfulness, then there’s light at the end of the tunnel at least.

Moving forward, I’m going to attempt my usual streamlined approach of being Mindful as much as possible, while still allowing myself the latitude to disengage if my mind becomes mush as it’s been some of these last few days due to that emotional overload.

All the above is shared (1) to remind myself first and foremost that there are always options and options are great, and taking any one route, such as autopiloting, without considering others is just selling yourself short.  As well, (2) to help anyone else that’s dealing with loss realize that everyone copes differently, and that’s one of the best tenets human beings have.

It’s in our differences that we often find kinship.  Now, whether kinship stems from differences or similarities with others, the point is that nobody is ever truly alone, no matter how painstaking it feels when you lose someone, especially someone who you love so dearly.   It might feel like that, especially given that what we feel is our feelings, and not that of others.  The fact that we as individuals experience these feelings independent from others, regardless of what negative feeling it may be, often makes it feel like it’s only us, and just us.  Such isn’t the case.

As, John Reese once said in Person Of Interest:

“Everyone needs someone to talk to.”

And if a person – any person – cannot find someone to talk to after losing someone, then humanity is in a much more sorrowful state than I even though.  But humanity isn’t, and hopefully will never be.  This is where friendship and a genuine caring for others shine brightest.

For it is in the caring that others, that we cast a reflection of ourselves.  When we show someone else we care over and over and over again by our actions, it (1) not only carries out ‘emotional bank account’ deposits merely from being friendly and kind which will help the other person(s) be able to stay afloat amid the seas of life, but (2) it also shows your inherent nature deep down at the being level, within the core of yourself.  In other words, such actions show who you truly are as a person, as an individual.

While your spark might seem gone, or significantly diminished after losing someone, your inner spark is still casting light as it always be.  But at times, it doesn’t hurt, and in fact often helps, having someone else light another candle in the darkness; because nothing cast away darkness like light.

And nothing in this world cast light like true friendship.



[1] I realized that calling emotions ‘mechanized’ is problematic.  A better alternative as an adjective escapes me and it’s really early, so let’s go with it since I wasn’t being literal.

[2] I also realize that each of the subjects of mindfulness, friendship, and loss, could be tackled independently.  I chose not to in order to remain pragmatic while also letting what was on my mind flow naturally.


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About The Author:

Zy Marquiez is an avid book reviewer, inquirer, an open-minded skeptic, yogi, and freelance writer who aims at empowering individuals while also studying and regularly mirroring subjects like Consciousness, Education, Creativity, The Individual, Ancient History & Ancient Civilizations, Forbidden Archaeology, Big Pharma, Alternative Health, Space, Geoengineering, Social Engineering, Propaganda, and much more.