Friendship – Breakaway Consciousness

Mindfulness, Loss & Friendship

“Friends are medicine for a wounded heart, and vitamins for a hopeful soul.”
– Steve Maraboli

“There is nothing on this Earth more to be prized than true friendship.”
– Thomas Aquinas

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
May 5, 2019

The last few days have been a blur.

Ever since my grandma died, I’ve sought to keep my mind as busy as possible, and it’s worked most of the time. Though keeping my mind that autopilot-focused usually personally leads me to getting more done, it definitely removes a lot of the mindfulness I usually employ.

It’s in that mindfulness that I make my best decisions, respond well to situations, and take a very holistic approach to instances (most of the time) while also being able to remain fluid to whatever happens. Not unlike a navigator adjusting the sails proportional to the winds and using what could be a problem to become a solution.

With the unintended and yet detrimental removal of mindfulness from my mental routine the last few days through an autopilot process, it reminds me of how used to operate with Poker at a time. Except with Poker, 90%+ of my personal autopiloting is somewhat detrimental, while at least here, it’s helping me cope. That doesn’t mean it’s the best option, I’m not sure what the best option to coping is. That said, not talking about losing someone and holding it in isn’t one of them, and that’s not something I’ve done at least.

The coping mechanism I believe I employ is very similar to my emotional mechanism, for lack of better words.[1] In a sense, it puts me incredibly guarded to my emotions, much more so than usual, and I can see myself being a bit despondent and distant due to that.

Being cognizant of these type of emotions and others is something that gives me a starting point at least to move forward, and when junctioned with the fact that I realize I need to employ mindfulness, then there’s light at the end of the tunnel at least.

Moving forward, I’m going to attempt my usual streamlined approach of being Mindful as much as possible, while still allowing myself the latitude to disengage if my mind becomes mush as it’s been some of these last few days due to that emotional overload.

All the above is shared (1) to remind myself first and foremost that there are always options and options are great, and taking any one route, such as autopiloting, without considering others is just selling yourself short. As well, (2) to help anyone else that’s dealing with loss realize that everyone copes differently, and that’s one of the best tenets human beings have.

It’s in our differences that we often find kinship. Now, whether kinship stems from differences or similarities with others, the point is that nobody is ever truly alone, no matter how painstaking it feels when you lose someone, especially someone who you love so dearly. It might feel like that, especially given that what we feel is our feelings, and not that of others. The fact that we as individuals experience these feelings independent from others, regardless of what negative feeling it may be, often makes it feel like it’s only us, and just us. Such isn’t the case.

As, John Reese once said in Person Of Interest:

“Everyone needs someone to talk to.”

And if a person – any person – cannot find someone to talk to after losing someone, then humanity is in a much more sorrowful state than I even though. But humanity isn’t, and hopefully will never be. This is where friendship and a genuine caring for others shine brightest.

For it is in the caring that others, that we cast a reflection of ourselves. When we show someone else we care over and over and over again by our actions, it (1) not only carries out ‘emotional bank account’ deposits merely from being friendly and kind which will help the other person(s) be able to stay afloat amid the seas of life, but (2) it also shows your inherent nature deep down at the being level, within the core of yourself. In other words, such actions show who you truly are as a person, as an individual.

While your spark might seem gone, or significantly diminished after losing someone, your inner spark is still casting light as it always be. But at times, it doesn’t hurt, and in fact often helps, having someone else light another candle in the darkness; because nothing cast away darkness like light.

And nothing in this world cast light like true friendship.

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Notes:

[1] I realized that calling emotions ‘mechanized’ is problematic. A better alternative as an adjective escapes me and it’s really early, so let’s go with it since I wasn’t being literal.

[2] I also realize that each of the subjects of mindfulness, friendship, and loss, could be tackled independently. I chose not to in order to remain pragmatic while also letting what was on my mind flow naturally.

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About The Author:

Zy Marquiez is an avid book reviewer, inquirer, an open-minded skeptic, yogi, and freelance writer who aims at empowering individuals while also studying and regularly mirroring subjects like Consciousness, Education, Creativity, The Individual, Ancient History & Ancient Civilizations, Forbidden Archaeology, Big Pharma, Alternative Health, Space, Geoengineering, Social Engineering, Propaganda, and much more.

#Quote Of The Day | #Dreams | #Friends | #Friendship | #Belief | #Dreamers

“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even if you don’t see it yourself.”

Emotional Bank Accounts: Dividends | #Friendship | #Friends | #Love | #PositiveVibes | #Positivity

“Good friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it’s good just knowing they’re there.”

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
April 19, 2019

While I’m still here at the place that my friend showed me earlier today, it occurred me to write this right after my friend just left to work. Him and I discussed various things at length, but the main issue we talked about was his current divorce that he’s undergoing.

I bring this up because, 6 months ago, we wouldn’t have had this conversation. Our relationship hadn’t developed into what it is now, so its significant to have him be able to trust me enough to vent about something that’s bothering him considerably and is very important.

The reason I title this post, ‘Dividends’, though it could certainly go under the notion of ‘Interest Rates’ as far as emotional bank accounts go, is because such are the returns from making consistent deposits into emotional bank accounts.

What he is going through kind of caught me by surprise, as did him, but the point is that he hasn’t vented about this issue to nigh anyone. It always makes me wonder how important it is to vent, or even merely to talk about certain issues with people, and how that translates to how an individual feels at their inner core.

Where this goes, he knows not, but being able to help someone open the proverbial release valve in order to release some steam, irrespective of topic, is always a great thing. It’s certainly one of the best dividends that friendships entail.

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#Quote Of The Day | #Friends | #Friendship

“It is in the dark times that the light of friendship shines brightest.”
– Richard Paul Evans

Emotional Bank Accounts: Mutual Investments | #Kindness | #Friends | #Friendship | #Positivity | #GoodVibes | #MotivationalMondays

“Do things for people. Not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.”
– Harold S. Kushner

“We rise by lifting others.”
– Robert Ingersoll

Kindness
BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
April 15, 2019

This post follows another one in the ‘Emotional Bank Account’ series that is called ‘Account Closures’. In that blog post I vented my frustration about a particular worker somewhere who retaliated against one employee because they couldn’t retaliate against the person they wanted to. At the time of writing that blog post, I didn’t think I would write a ‘follow up’ per se, as each of these posts its meant to stand on its own. That said, given certain circumstances at times an individual must go where the winds of life takes them, and this is why there’s going to be a fortuitous and unplanned follow up.

A few days ago I had the fortunate circumstance of running into a few friends, all of that know about the particular issue that took place that day. Long story short, there are nigh five employees (with possibly more to act), one former employee and three customers who are bandying together to vouch for the credibly of the person that was fired as well as pointing out other significant issues.

This entire coalescence of interests was unplanned given that each of us were partaking in our acts to attempt to lend aid to this person. Once we found out our interests dovetailed, it was natural to band together.

Where this entire situation goes, it is uncertain. That said, that’s not the main point of this write up. The main point is that it’s great to see acquaintances and friends ‘mutually investing’ into someone else in a significant way. This is the type of instance that really gives you hope as a human being.

One more thing: I just found out (as I was writing this) that yesterday someone else almost got fired unfairly. Thankfully that person was not. That said, that person would have turned into a veritable storm (and rightly so) not standing for it. Where that circumstance goes, it is to early to know. It’s still something everyone’s keeping note of given everything taking place and how fluid the situation is.

Bottom line: it’s great to be able to take actions for someone that needs help, but its even better to have many people do it in conjunction with each other.

Hopefully it makes a difference. But even if it doesn’t, its still the right thing to do at least.

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If you find value in this information, you are implored to please share it. This article is free and open source. All individuals have permission to republish this article under a Creative Commons license with attribution to Zy Marquiez and BreakawayIndividual.com

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About The Author:

Emotional Bank Accounts: Account Closures | #Friendship | #Friends | #Loyalty | #Mindfulness | #Life

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
April 13, 2019

Today I found out that one of my friends got fired from somewhere. That’s never a good thing. However, when that is done in retaliation of what someone else did, then I have a really big problem with it as a human being, regardless if I know the person or not. I think most people would feel the same way.

The person that carried out the retaliation is known me, though to say we’re friends would be a stretch. In any case, there’s not a lot of things that would get me to ‘close’ an emotional bank account but picking on people is essentially one of them. Am I angry? No. Do I hate this person? No, not at all. I haven’t been angry or hateful of anyone in a really long time, many years in fact. Poker helped me conquer those emotions and I consider myself lucky since it helped me deal with things kind of on-the-spot given how poker is merciless in poking at stick at you and testing you. That said, there’s only person I would say I actually ever hated, and this person really earned it. In fact, I told them right to their face, which I never thought I would do to anyone but it happened nonetheless.

In any case, the vanguard point is that the main emotion that envelops me is a storm of searing frustration; an ocean of frustrating that is never ending.

While the parameters for how one individual deals with another is different from person to person, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think that most individuals do have that proverbial line that shouldn’t be crossed. What that line is for everyone else, I know not. What I do know is that when that line is crossed, then that’s the end of that.

I won’t be unkind to this person, even though deep down inside I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to bury this person upside down in my front yard and use them as my next Christmas tree just as a start. Irrespective of that though, my heart screams mindfulness-mindfulness-mindfulness even as my ego disagrees.

It’s just better to drain that ocean of gasoline before a spark ignites it because it’s just not worth it.

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Emotional Bank Accounts: Large Scale Withdraws | #Friends | #Friendship | #Love | #Life | #Trust | #Loyalty

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
April 12, 2019

There are significant reasons why I keep hammering away on this blog on why acts of kindness and goodness can be seen as deposits, because sometimes they help when a ‘withdraw’ must be made during a relationship.

Deposits into emotional bank accounts are incredible for various reasons. These (1) move the quality of life of an individual across the positive spectrum, they (2) help relationships grow and flourish, they (3) strengthen the relationships in myriad ways, but they (4) can also make a crucial difference in someone’s life during key turning points.

The above reasons are why I always tell people I appreciate them when I feel it’s right, no matter how many times I’ve told the person and no matter whether I know them or not. All acts of kindness move every type of relationship across the positive spectrum of growth and anything that can make relationships grow is a great thing.

Plus, who doesn’t like to know they are appreciated? It’s a small act of goodness that goes a long way.

However, sometimes, for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter how many times you tell a friend of yours they can count on you, they might think that you’re ‘too busy’ or ‘not concerned’ or find any other of a plethora of reasons.

Where am I going with this? Follow along for a minute.

Say you – the reader – and I are friends. We’ve been friends for quite a few years so there’s that bit of history that friends undergo, a bit of a positive emotional bank account built up. Heck, let’s move this scenario up a notch, say we’re great friends. Not merely acquaintances, not good friends, but great friends. Not the best of friends, but surely not merely a run-of-the-mill friendship that can happen in modern day life with how loose the term friend can be bandied about with the advent of social media the last two decades or so.

Now, as a friend, you let me know often, definitely several times a week, “Hey if you ever need anything, it’s all good, no question asked, I got your back.” Etc. Etc. It’s not unreasonable to think that I should be able to count on you, right? Okay, that much should be obvious.

One day when you decide to text one morning and ask if all is well, I say, “Yeah everything’s fine.”[1] Hours later, I call you and I say, “Yeah, so, I sort of slipped and fell, and hit my head on the counter, and passed out for almost an hour. There was blood on the counter, but everything’s okay. I just went back to bed. No big deal.”

No. Big. Deal. NO. BIG. DEAL. NO BIG DEAL?!?!?

I don’t know about how any of you would react, and please leave your opinions below because maybe I am overacting here but slipping and hitting your head is a big deal. Passing out instantly? INCREDIBLY BIG DEAL. Making it seem like its no big deal? EVEN AN BIGGER DEAL!

Actually, I am incredibly oversimplifying here; this problem is VASTLY more complicated than what I am writing about here for this type of circumstance and history goes back years. I am simplifying to try and not be too verbose and get to the point.

The point: this is the type of circumstance that almost requires a (possible) large withdraw from an emotional bank account. What exactly do I mean by this? I mean telling something to someone they don’t want to hear. I also say ‘possible’ in parenthesis because, some people will instantly be offended that you call them out on a mistake, causing a withdraw. Others will in fact appreciate it because it shows you care about them, causing the act to be a deposit.

Now before we go on, there’s a distinction in the type of ‘withdraws’ people can make. There’s the withdraws where people make a mistake (someone purchased the wrong item; someone didn’t help you out when they said they would over and over again; someone forgot your birthday; etc.) which leads to a ‘withdraw’ given the circumstances. Conversely, there’s times where the withdraw is not caused by an individual having made the mistake, but by them being called out on it, whether that mistake is any of the above examples in parenthesis or others [2]. Who sees a given circumstance as a withdraw is incredibly subjective, but the above examples and their ramifications are always a distinct possibility in all relationships. Whether the circumstances lead to a ‘withdraw or not’ it does or not is a different story. Of course, these circumstances could be wider in scope, but let’s keep it simple.

Knowing all the above, how would each of you react as an individual? I am uncertain as to how anyone would react to the above scenario, but it should be reasonable to see how a caring human being would at least be concerned (at the minimum) and/or possibly furious (in the worst case), and that’s totally understandable. Heck, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to be concerned for a stranger that you saw slip and fall down on the street, would it? Why would it be any different with a friend?

There’s a real possibility that person could have not woken up, especially given the blood loss that could have also kept going during sleep if that issue hadn’t been handled properly. Even without the blood loss, REAL, BIG, DEAL.

Not going to sugar coat this, when this happened this person was told out right that they screwed up, and screwed up big. And really, I don’t even care if a person reacts with a view in which the entire bank account being ‘emptied’ or even go into the negative. It doesn’t bother me one bit. What does bother me is how someone – anyone – could make a small deal about such a circumstance. It is akin to your car shutting down in the drive way (no big deal) and your car shutting down right when you’re crossing train tracks with an incoming freight train torpedoing full steam ahead (BIG FLIPPIN’ DEAL).

The key takeaway is that while one could argue about which type of scenario might ‘require’ a withdraw or not, I’m not sure if there’s any bigger scenario then when someone’s life could possibly on the line, whether that is by concussion, blood loss, or any other issue.

If that’s not worth all the deposits you will ever make into an emotional bank account, I’m not sure what is.

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[1] The word ‘fine’ is one of those words that is a clue that acts like smoke. Sometimes it can merely be nothing. But most of the time, it’s a spark that’s dropping in slow motion into an ocean of gasoline.

[2] If this seems confusing, to simply: some individuals will make the same mistake dozens of times over the year, and they see nothing wrong with it because that’s their mindset for whatever reason. So to them, them making ‘withdraws’ is not seen as a traditional withdraw because that kind of thing doesn’t bother them. Now, if you do point out those mistakes, and call them mistakes, then that would qualify as a ‘withdraw’ because they choose to get mad at that. Sometimes the action is the withdraw, sometimes the reaction is the withdraw, and sometimes both action and reaction cause withdraws; it totally depends on an individual and the circumstances.

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