Friendship – Breakaway Consciousness

Emotional Bank Accounts: Trust | #Life | #Growth | #Change | #Friendship

“My love is unconditional. My trust and my respect are not.”
– Anonymous

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
May 31, 2019

After getting home today, I ended up thinking what an interesting concept trust is for many reasons. The reason I even pondered such a thought was due to something that took place online.

Yesterday I ran into a thought someone shared that had to deal with trust. Thence, while getting some work done it occurred to me that trust is one of the very pillars of emotional bank accounts.

Trust allows for relationships of all types to grow; trust fosters comfort; trust fosters a certain level of understanding, deeper understanding; trust allows for individuals to not get stressed out for whatever reason; trust, ultimately, is a significant deposit into emotional bank accounts.

The statement I read could be the equivalent, at least to me, of, “I-got-your-back-no-matter-what.” That’s a level of trust that’s not easy to arrive too. Was what I read intended like that? I have no idea, though it seemed like it. What I do know is that the statement was based on trust, which is the Rosetta stone of this blog post.

In all honesty, the statement made me think about a lot of things revolving around trust. That’s the thing, trust filters in everything in life, so much so that it’s actually taken for granted at a deeper level. This is because usually, we all give and take various levels of trust like candy on Halloween, and since this type of circumstance happens nigh on auto-pilot, not a lot of thought is given to it [1]. But trust has many ramifications that seep in countless directions.

Trust is what makes friendships grow; trust is what makes communities grow; trust is what allows nations to be established; trust is what ultimately allows progress to take place to the utmost extent.

Without trust, without one of the pillars of individuals and society, growth cannot be had; without trust, society cannot stand firmly upon its foundation.

And nothing great can stand too long without a proper foundation; for cracks will irrevocably take place within the foundation, and then those will affect the rest of the structure.

But don’t trust me on any of this, nay. Trust yourself and find out if the above makes sense, and what other ramifications can be had from such a concept.

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[1] The fact that trust is handed out ‘easily’ might seem wrong at first blush, but let’s ponder a bit. Don’t you trust a teacher, even without knowing them, with your child? Don’t you trust a pharmacist to know everything about drugs, without ever questioning them? Don’t you trust a police officer when they arrive on a scene? Don’t you trust a politician to do the right thing? Okay, am being facetious about the last one, since most politicians aren’t deserving of the level of trust that’s imparted at them, but the prior individuals are to some extent.

People don’t actively wonder if they’re going to trust a doctor, teacher, lawyer, pharmacist, etc. they just do it. That kind of blind trust can backfire more often than you realize, except it’s never seen from the lens of trust, which is why it’s never talked about, yet alone pondered at length.

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Poker & Life: Let There Be Range | #Poker | #Life | #Friendship | #Family

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
May 29, 2019

Poker and Life have numerous commonalities. Some of these have already been discussed in this blog. One salient commonality that hasn’t been discussed is the topic of Range.

Range, in Poker, deals with the latitude of hands that an opponent may have at any given moment. At the current moment in time, Poker has advanced so much so that statistically one can narrow down the percentage of hands that an opponent plays, therefore giving you the ability to know what their Range is. The narrower the range, the tighter the player, and the more predictable they are; the wider the range, the more loosely the player plays, and the more unpredictable they are.

The advantages of a wider range are (1) the unpredictability of the opponent, (2) the more interesting the game plays out because you don’t know what those type of poker players will have, and (3) the higher the profit margin that takes place on a per-hand basis because players will often put you on a hand that’s not the exact one that they thought you had. Life also offers a place where having a wide range would be advantageous, and this is though conversations and kinship.

Where poker has unpredictability in its very nature, life can become quite predictable in certain circumstances – the monotony of work, the rat race, and so on. One thing that is often unpredictable is the latitude with which conversations can take place, which is why they can feature wide ranges.

Just as poker becomes a more interesting (and fun) game while playing (or seeing) people with incredibly wide ranges, life also becomes intriguing in the way subject matter is discussed of countless types. The wider the subject matter, the higher that likelihood a conversation can proceed unimpeded if both individuals just happen to have free time to enjoy it.

I mention the above because today I got in a conversation that lasted many hours with a family member that just moved here, and it was one of those conversations that was highly refreshing – employing an incredible range of subjects – for many reasons.

Although my recollection of the subjects is a bit hazy at spots, I’ll attempt to cover most trenchant subjects. He first talked to me about God (because he was listening to a MP3 about the topic), Politics, Space, Transhumanism, Media, the Constitution, Life, Finance, broad and narrow point of views, and more. It was the type of conversation that’s hard to have unless you know someone is either open-minded, or has the similar outlooks then you.

Within every day conversations, range can also be advantageous because it allows for wider type of small talks, different type of humor that allows people to have fun and/or relax, a wider scope of the type of meaningful conversations one can have, a quicker bonding of individuals and the stronger the relationships that develop due to that.

It’s great to have that boundless interaction with an individual whether you speak to them once or a lot. Genuine kinship is one of life’s gifts and it often does not get the credit it deserves.

Yesterday in fact, I spent many hours talking to someone about her significant other and paranormal topics. Just two topics, but it was incredibly interesting, particularly the paranormal part (chakras, physiological feelings, extra-sensory perception, etc.) because that’s definitely something nigh nobody ever talks about, so I found it quite invigorating.

In any case, the one thing that got me incredibly gloomy is the fact that this family member has cancer. Whereas my Mom had the ability to beat cancer again since it had not spread, this family member has stage 3 cancer and there’s nothing that they can do about it since its spread all over their body. That subject was broached and it definitely wasn’t pleasant due to the ramifications of it, but it’s something that I appreciate for many reasons.

It’s conversations like this that really put things into perspective and really bring meaning to life. That’s why I repeatedly talk about living life to the fullest, for conversations and honest kinship between individuals is one of the ways that relationships cement themselves and grow therein.

One crucial point though, I’m not implying in any way shape or form people need to talk about a million topics to get meaning from life, I’m only giving my own perspective on the matter. What people draw meaning from is incredibly subjective, and expecting everyone to take a one-size-fits-all approach is the very definition of conformity, and it is antithetical to what this blog is about. I only mention range because it allows for flexibility in human interaction, it allows for options to be had at any moment, not unlike being able to draw from a wide range of poker hands when being at the poker tables.

That’s where Life will always outshine Poker, for no matter how much range, fun, or money you can make on the poker tables, nothing beats how much meaning you can get from being with people and how downright life changing that can be.

Those moments are just priceless.

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#Quote Of The Day | #Mindset | #Friends | #Friendship | #Thoughts | #QualityOfConsciousness

“I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.”
– Abraham Lincoln

Note: I absolutely love this take on dealing with people that dislike you or downright hate you. It’s definitely a proactive approach, but it’s also an approach that extrapolates upon what a mindset of seeking common ground can accomplish with other individuals.

Conformity Crisis: The War Between Conformists & Non-Conformists | #Conformity | #Freedom| #Life | #Truth | #Friendship | #Friends

“The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being.”
– Socrates

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
May 18, 2019

These days it seems that not a moment goes by without someone having some sort of disagreement.

Not that people should always agree about everything, that’s not the point. Disagreements come in all shapes and forms, just like people do. The point is that many of these disagreements you see, whether in person, or online, stem from a certain section of the populace’s ceaseless push to inculcate their beliefs on others, regardless of the consequences.

There seems to be two prevailing schools of thought out there regarding how to handle these situations. When aiding others in their search for truth, the initial school of thought, the non-conformists, don’t mind when other individuals ask them questions about beliefs and ideas discussed. The second group, the conformists, take downright offense to anyone questioning them on anything. The former seeks to help the individual arrive at their own truth; the latter seeks to be the high priest, just like those of ancient times who controlled the free flow of specific information.

This particular trend of individuals not wanting to have open discussions seems to be growing with time. Individuals who do wish to carry out further inquiry to seek firmer ground have nigh no options when speaking to closed-minded conformists because ultimately with a conformist, it’s their way or the highway. Ironically, what is happening to those who seek firmer ground is not unlike what happened to the “Father of Philosophy,” Socrates, over two millennia ago.

Socrates was feared because he wasn’t afraid of questioning an individual’s beliefs about any given subject, similar to individuals today who question the official narrative on countless issues. In parallel fashion to modern conformists, in Socrates’ time, the ultimate conformists of the time – as with much of history – was the state. This see saw bout of ideals that took place millennia ago still takes place now. That said, because of his very ideals, Socrates is the Godfather of Non-conformity. Socrates is the living definition of a question mark.

With the Socratic Method – of querying deeply into the subject – Socrates would begin to dissect an individual’s paradigm and those inherent flaws if any, usually in the realms of justice and goodness. Because of Socrates’ method, many times the paradigms individuals had – inculcated by the state and by religion – would drastically shift or disintegrate altogether, and begin something anew. This lead the state to lash out against him for questioning the system, particularly the “might makes right” the state was notorious known for, and eventually got him executed.

The state feared that the changes Socrates was bringing about in the populace would continue to spread and from their tyrannical point of view they could not allow that. Thankfully though, most of what he was able to accomplish still echoes to this day – even to this very post, thousands of years later.

In similar fashion, nowadays, people who push conformity are doing themselves and the other individuals a great disservice. This is because individuals pushing conformity are: (1) not being open minded, thus contemplating life from an incredibly narrow point of view, which (2) stunts the growth an individual may have by the exposure of a wide array of information. Further, (3) by attempting to force conformity on others, conformists are taking away a terrific learning opportunity from the individuals truly seeking answers to poignant questions, and (4) in the worst case, these conformists are even losing relationships through all social strata because they are not being open minded about the possibility that other options exist. All of this stands against the very nature of free-flowing inquiry.

Keen conversations of proactive mental discernment should have a certain flow, like a see saw, a back and forth between minds. However, what is taking place is far from such a common sense and proactive approach. The talks that are taking place currently between conformists and non-conformists echo a societal instability brought about by the conformist that will only exacerbate with time.

Intricately, this particular issue is touched upon in the thought-provoking book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, by Shunryu Suzuki, who cautions individuals on this very subject:

“Try not to force your idea on someone but rather think about it with him. If you feel you have won the discussion, that is also the wrong attitude. Try not to win in the argument; just listen to it; but it is also wrong to behave as if you had lost. Usually when we say something, we are apt to try to sell our teaching or force our idea.”[1][Bold & Underline Emphasis Added].

In other words, allow others the freedom to make choices, to find their own path – to make mistakes. That is one of the best ways individuals grow, by learning from their choices. However, forcing opinions and/or beliefs on others is diametrically opposed to all that is good and sensible.

Moreover, not only is overriding someone’s freedoms rather inhuman, or conformist to say the least, but it goes directly against the very idea of Freedom and its downright tyrannical. In contrast, if conformists would opt to listen to others, as happens in free-flowing conversations of open-minded individuals, those pushing their beliefs and agendas would come to an understanding as to why the other individual feels reticent to the particular issue. That simple step can help magnitudes in understanding where another person is coming from and why the other person feels as they feel. A conformist’s conversations never even get that far. Ironically, that would arguably be the place where the most progress could be made.

If inquiring individuals who wish to engage in mental discernment are not allowed their own personal moment of clarity of piercing through the veil, they will not own the moment – know the truth – but merely borrow another person’s footsteps as their own. Such an instance robs the individuals of making great progress in their strides for the truth, and thus leaves them at square one.

When someone is forced to intellectually conform they are not allowed the freedom to philosophize – to seek wisdom. Philosophy is crucial, for it literally means the love of wisdom. How is an individual ever going to gain insights, journey to wisdom, unless they are allowed or even urged to ask questions?

As modern philosopher Peter Kreeft Ph.D. warned in his Philosophy 101 By Socrates:

“If we do not philosophize, if we do not question appearances, if we are satisfied with whatever makes us feel happy, we will never know whether we are being deceived about who we are and what level of our being is being satisfied.”[2][Bold & Italics Emphasis Added].

An individual that is not allowed to hone their senses and polish their intuition will not have the opportunity to learn to see the forest for the trees. If said individual merely accepts the authoritarian conformist’s attitudes, they will suffer in many ways. These inquiring individuals will have a harder time – or nigh impossible time – figuring out deception, as we are seeing nowadays; these individuals won’t be able to figure out a well constructed argument based on facts and logic from outright speculation or downright lies; these genuinely curious individuals will also not be able to become as robust and intellectually self-sufficient as possible as they could be in this newfound age of disinformation. Such an individual will be just like a boat in the ocean with a damaged sail that is drifting aimlessly directly into an eternal storm confusion.

That is why it’s imperative as individuals to help others realize their full potential as they seek truth and growth within our world. As other individuals grow, they will share what made them change in positive fashion. And as we learn from them we can integrate these lessons and help others just as so. This type of concurrent growth is not unlike the rising tide lifting all ships.

Ruminating a bit deeper into this entire conundrum, maybe this issue is about more than truth though. Perhaps there’s more on the line than meets the eye. What seems to be missing to some extent, in some individuals at least, is simply the ability for them to be caring human beings, regardless of beliefs. A truly caring, wholesome individual will not simply railroad someone else because they believe something different or refuse to believe them.

It seems that following a personal philosophy of seeking personal growth through an attempted mastery of your mental and spiritual wellbeing seems like a prudent choice to say the least. And personal growth involves more than just attaining truth or strengthening beliefs.

Observing the words of Kreeft once more:

“Wisdom is more than knowledge. Knowing all facts in a library does not make you wise. Wisdom is a knowledge not just of facts but of values, of what is humanly important; and it is a knowledge that is a lived, that is learned by experience and lived out in experience.”[3][Bold & Italics Emphasis Added]

When conformists push their ideals and beliefs onto inquiring individuals, they take away the opportunity for those individuals to have meaningful experiences for growth and self-development, which includes more than simple truths or beliefs. Those instances may never take place again. Individuals that are not allowed to live to their fullest extent will only realize a fraction of the capability they would otherwise be able to achieve if they were allowed to venture upon their personal road less traveled – their individual journey.

Those who are allowed to gain personal insights on their road to self mastery will not only grow profoundly but will also develop a more robust Socratic Philosophy, just like the Greeks did in ancient times.

In ancient times:

“The Greeks became the world’s greatest philosophers partly because…they learned to question appearances to find something more, some hidden reality behind the appearances.”[4][Bold Emphasis Added]

Such is the reason why appearances, beliefs and supposed facts must always be questioned. For if they are not, what might be hidden will never rise to the surface and will not be able to be seen in pure darkness. Truth is the only light beam that disintegrates the shadows. And the only way to attain truth is for individuals to hone their inner fire, their inner light.

Touching upon this very concern, award winning teacher, advocate of self-directed learning and of individual freedom, John Taylor Gatto urged in his landmark book Dumbing Us Down:

“People have to be allowed to make their own mistakes or to try again, or they will never master themselves, although they may well seem to be competent when they have in fact only memorized or imitated someone else’s performance. Success in my practice involves challenging many comfortable assumptions about what is worth learning and out of what material a good life is fashioned.”[5][Bold, Underline & Italics Emphasis Added]

Questioning our conformable assumptions, our beliefs, about what is worth learning for each individual and bringing about the most growth is what this entire conundrum is about. That is why it is crucial that:

“One should not present others with ready-made answers, preach to them, or only make them memorize things. One needs to activate them. They should figure things out. The ambition can even be to liberate them.”[6][Bold, Underline & Italics Emphasis Added].

To help individuals achieve total freedom – physically, spiritually, psychologically, emotionally and mentally – they need to be encouraged to walk their own path, learn their own lessons – find their own wisdom.

If individuals aren’t allowed to grow, or choose not to, their mental faculties will atrophy, like someone who uses crutches constantly and has their muscles atrophy from disuse.

As friends, colleagues, or simply caring human beings, perhaps it is imperative not to worry only about our subjective ideas, beliefs, or even outright facts. Not saying those are not important, so please do not misunderstand me.

All I am getting at is that, perhaps, what the vanguard consideration should be is helping other individuals wherever they may need help along their road, so they can then better understand whatever it is that they seek knowledge in. What got them to their current point in life is vastly different to what got you to yours. In like fashion, what gets them to the truth will most likely be vastly different than what got you to it.

Allowing other individuals the opportunity for growth, by not making them conform, is one of the greatest gifts we can help flourish in another human being on their journey. Along this journey, other individuals may at times need help. Walk along side them, as long as they need, and help them when possible. But remember, their life is their journey.

While your paths may cross time and again, ultimately an individual’s journey will be a rather unique and authentic experience. Along this path, the side of the road will surely be rife with random rocks lacking meaning. But now and again, among the ruble, an individual’s curiosities will be sparked by sparkles of truth, and they will find gratifying gems. These are the very gems of wisdom that will push individuals further down their path to intellectual treasure, further towards their adventure for truth – towards individual growth and incredible self-development.

Ultimately, what another individual does is up to them, for its their life, their freedom, their choice. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t help them along that journey. Just help them in any way you can, especially if they implore you for help. That’s what friendship is all about. That’s what being a caring human being is all about.

And maybe, just maybe, one day these individuals will realize that it was you whose left some of those gems along their road, and that they’ve been given a gift, and that it’s been there all along, just waiting for the right moment.

And the right moment is now.

Give them that gift.
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Author’s Note:

This article was written a few years ago for New Agora Magazine. It has been slightly edited, but the core content remains unchanged.

I share this because if you simplify a lot of the issues taking place nowadays, they are about conformists vs. non-conformists. Now, whatever side you fall on, that is your business. What you rarely see from each side, but even less from the conformist side, is an attempt at seeking understanding.

How can progress be made without understanding? Perhaps that’s where a lot of the arguments and discussions should start, seeking understanding and/or common ground. After all, we are all humans, and just because we can’t see eye to eye on every issue doesn’t mean we don’t have the option to see what other people have gone through, empathize with their plight, comprehend their obstacles and circumstances better, but most of all, understand why they are who they are and why they believe what they believe.

That alone will solve more problems than forcing people to do anything, even if you are inherently right.
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Footnotes:

[1] Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, p. 108.
[2] Peter Kreeft Ph.D., Philosophy 101 by Socrates – An Introductory To Philosophy Via Plato’s Apology, p. 74.
[3] Ibid., p. 10.
[4] Ibid., p. 19.
[5] John Taylor Gatto, Dumbing Us Down – The Hidden Curriculum Of Compulsory Schooling, p. xxxv.
[6] Tommi Juhani Hanhijarvi Ph.D., Dialectical Thinking – Zeno, Socrates, Kant, Marx, p. 32.

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Emotional Bank Accounts: Executive Decisions | #Friends | #Family | #Life | #Help | #Obstacles

“As you grow older, you will discover you have two hands – one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”
– Audrey Hepburn

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
May 10, 2019

For clarification purposes, in this blog post an ‘executive decision’ is simply when one person overrides the decision(s) of another or a group.

Under the right circumstances, one can end up using the term ‘executive decision’ with another person when the person is saying they want to go see movie A, when you know they will like movie B a lot more, so you make an ‘executive decision’ to override it. They enjoy the movie more, that’s that. Or, you choose to go somewhere, they say let’s go somewhere else, and that person overrules you because they know you’ll enjoy yourself more elsewhere and they are right. This process has to be a balanced give and take though, for if not a person might just be a control freak and want to call the shots all the time and employing double standards.

Now follow two examples where individuals might make an executive decision when it really matters.

In the first example I will use myself being on tilt in poker, which is an egregious mistake. If you play poker for any decent given length, you will experience tilt, which is letting your emotions and anger (when you lose) override your logic and mindfulness, and instead of playing holistically, you just play downright stupid. When I first began this happened now and then, but thankfully it was something I was able to learn, though slowly. There is no way on earth I could have played for a living without mastering this aspect of emotional control.

Now, in poker there are bad days, and there are really bad days. This is what separates poker from traditional work by a considerably margin. In traditional jobs, you show up, you get paid. Even if you’re having a bad day at work, your worst day ever, you always get paid. In poker, that’s not the case, not even close. Often, you can go days, weeks, or sometimes months without making money, but that’s usually more extreme scenarios, or if you play pot-limit Omaha for instance, since the swings your bankroll takes are massive.

Long story short, there was one time I was playing $200NL and was down a lot of money to one person, and was playing optimally at first. After getting eviscerated for hours, I was letting it get to me, and sure enough, my friend could see me visibly upset, angry, frustrated, basically playing like an emotional tornado to the nth degree. He did what any good friend would do, pointed it out, put his foot down, and I stopped. It took a lot of convincing because I was down a few thousand dollars to this one player, and he was atrocious at that, but that doesn’t matter. What mattered is that I wasn’t in charge of my mind, I wasn’t playing mindfully. I quit soon after that. We would do this for each other, or for other friends, and things would turn out okay. Worst case scenario though, you lose everything, your entire bankroll, which really sucks and it’s something I went through a few times early on, which only cements the lesson of how important it is to be in control of your emotions in the game of poker.

The second example where you might undertake an executive decision would be when someone is drinking. If you know somebody has had too many drinks, you can (1) ask them to take a cab home, (2) you can drive them home yourself, (3) ask for the keys, or if it comes down to it (4) take the keys yourself. I’ve done all those 4 with people and never regretted it once. At the time, it might cause friction if the person has had too many drinks and the person isn’t thinking straight, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry when lives are on the line.

Now, I open with those two examples because today I was in a situation with my Mom who was not doing too well health-wise. Her health was really close to “We’re going to the hospital right now, let’s go.” Let’s just say, it took a lot of convincing on her part but I told her that if she feels just an iota worse, we’re going no matter what; that, or if my instincts just felt the need to override hers for any given reason.

Usually, I wouldn’t be so pushy and take her word for it, but given that a few weeks ago she waited half a day before mentioning that she slipped, smashed her head on the counter and passed out, saying she didn’t mention it because it didn’t seem like a big deal and so on was really bothersome when it happened. And now, after losing my grandma not long ago, I’m even more afraid of the reality of her having significant health problems spiral out of control.

I mention all this because making ‘executive decisions’ between individuals, when the situation is crucial, can be complex and life changing. It can also be balancing act though.

If I’m playing poker, and I get upset after losing some hands, and it’s clear that I’m visibly upset, am I going to regain my composure, or am I going to let my emotions spiral out of control requiring? If someone is having a drink, when is one drink, one drink too many? With health, do you wait for the person to heal, or do you risk it? Do you even know the problem(s)? Those are fine lines if there ever were any.

All of these scenarios are entirely subjective, and that’s what makes them even more complicated. Whether it is one more poker hand, one more drink, or one more hour of someone’s health deteriorating, there is always an incredibly fine line that once crossed, only becomes that much harder to get back too, if at all possible.

I’m just thankful that as of now my Mom is doing better because I don’t want to think what would have happened otherwise. She seems to be doing fine though, so I’m thankful for that.

I would like to hear your opinions on these types of instances, or anything similar.

Where exactly is that line where a certain scenario goes from bad, to worse? When is that moment someone must intervene because you realize if you or someone else doesn’t, then the person’s life or livelihood could be on the line? How do you know when the time is right? Or is there even a ‘right’ time?

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Suggested Reading:

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If you find value in this information, feel free to share it. This article is free and open source. All individuals have permission to republish this article under a Creative Commons license with attribution to Zy Marquiez and BreakawayIndividual.com

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About The Author:

Zy Marquiez is an avid book reviewer, inquirer, an open-minded skeptic, yogi, and freelance writer who aims at empowering individuals while also studying and regularly mirroring subjects like Consciousness, Education, Creativity, The Individual, Ancient History & Ancient Civilizations, Forbidden Archaeology, Big Pharma, Alternative Health, Space, Geoengineering, Social Engineering, Propaganda, and much more.

Emotional Bank Accounts: Anonymous Donations Revisited

“It’s funny how complete strangers can have familiar souls.”
– J. Iron Word

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
May 7, 2019

Two weeks ago I ventured to one of my favorite weekend writing places. Admittedly, I used to go this place to just relax with friends and have a good time, and I still do, but now I mainly just go and do my own thing mostly writing and doing research while sometimes running into people I know. I also enjoy this place a lot because the manager lets me bring my laptop in, which isn’t something some places will allow at nighttime on a weekend so I really appreciate that wholeheartedly.

When I walked in I didn’t expect this place to be too busy. In fact, it was almost standing room only which kind of shocked me since it never gets that packed. As such, I had to wait for my usual spot where I always end up in. I could tell something was up given that half the people had Hawaiian shirts on. After meeting a few people I find out that there was a wedding party with lots of people that had flown in from Chicago for the wedding.

While waiting for a drink, a seat happened to open up and I sat down on the bar. After saying hello to the bartenders, I end up introducing myself to the man next to me while passing time. Long story short, after getting to know each other for a bit, this man next to me, who was probably 5 years my junior, took nigh an hour and a half giving me a veritable crash course on places to venture for myriad reasons.

It didn’t matter whether it was coffee shops, restaurants, bars, or something else; he literally took the time to give me advice on dozens of places to venture too. I told him I appreciated it greatly because (1) it’s always great finding somewhere new to go to, but more importantly (2) I’ve been searching for places to read, do research, write, etc. and it just so happens that he gave me more ideas than I could handle for weeks to come.

I mention all this because he didn’t have to do that at all. Yet, he was incredibly (and thankfully) insistent on this. I felt bad that we were discussing this when we could have been discussing anything else. He wasn’t having it though; he just went on with suggestion after suggestion until we each went our ways.

I call this an ‘anonymous’ donation because he really didn’t know me, but was still willing to take well over an hour (while he was actually with friends as well) to help me find a new cubby hole. It was really neat and I was blown away and I couldn’t thank him enough.

Friends taking the time to help you figure something out are fantastic, one of the best things friendships can offer. But when strangers are willing to do the same? Now that’s an emotional bank account donation if there ever were one.

When things at time might seem dismal, its instances like this that give me hope for society as a whole. Little acts like this might not mean a lot to some, but to me personally they mean the world.

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Suggested Reading:

Mindfulness, Loss & Friendship

“Friends are medicine for a wounded heart, and vitamins for a hopeful soul.”
– Steve Maraboli

“There is nothing on this Earth more to be prized than true friendship.”
– Thomas Aquinas

BreakawayIndividual.com
Zy Marquiez
May 5, 2019

The last few days have been a blur.

Ever since my grandma died, I’ve sought to keep my mind as busy as possible, and it’s worked most of the time. Though keeping my mind that autopilot-focused usually personally leads me to getting more done, it definitely removes a lot of the mindfulness I usually employ.

It’s in that mindfulness that I make my best decisions, respond well to situations, and take a very holistic approach to instances (most of the time) while also being able to remain fluid to whatever happens. Not unlike a navigator adjusting the sails proportional to the winds and using what could be a problem to become a solution.

With the unintended and yet detrimental removal of mindfulness from my mental routine the last few days through an autopilot process, it reminds me of how used to operate with Poker at a time. Except with Poker, 90%+ of my personal autopiloting is somewhat detrimental, while at least here, it’s helping me cope. That doesn’t mean it’s the best option, I’m not sure what the best option to coping is. That said, not talking about losing someone and holding it in isn’t one of them, and that’s not something I’ve done at least.

The coping mechanism I believe I employ is very similar to my emotional mechanism, for lack of better words.[1] In a sense, it puts me incredibly guarded to my emotions, much more so than usual, and I can see myself being a bit despondent and distant due to that.

Being cognizant of these type of emotions and others is something that gives me a starting point at least to move forward, and when junctioned with the fact that I realize I need to employ mindfulness, then there’s light at the end of the tunnel at least.

Moving forward, I’m going to attempt my usual streamlined approach of being Mindful as much as possible, while still allowing myself the latitude to disengage if my mind becomes mush as it’s been some of these last few days due to that emotional overload.

All the above is shared (1) to remind myself first and foremost that there are always options and options are great, and taking any one route, such as autopiloting, without considering others is just selling yourself short. As well, (2) to help anyone else that’s dealing with loss realize that everyone copes differently, and that’s one of the best tenets human beings have.

It’s in our differences that we often find kinship. Now, whether kinship stems from differences or similarities with others, the point is that nobody is ever truly alone, no matter how painstaking it feels when you lose someone, especially someone who you love so dearly. It might feel like that, especially given that what we feel is our feelings, and not that of others. The fact that we as individuals experience these feelings independent from others, regardless of what negative feeling it may be, often makes it feel like it’s only us, and just us. Such isn’t the case.

As, John Reese once said in Person Of Interest:

“Everyone needs someone to talk to.”

And if a person – any person – cannot find someone to talk to after losing someone, then humanity is in a much more sorrowful state than I even though. But humanity isn’t, and hopefully will never be. This is where friendship and a genuine caring for others shine brightest.

For it is in the caring that others, that we cast a reflection of ourselves. When we show someone else we care over and over and over again by our actions, it (1) not only carries out ‘emotional bank account’ deposits merely from being friendly and kind which will help the other person(s) be able to stay afloat amid the seas of life, but (2) it also shows your inherent nature deep down at the being level, within the core of yourself. In other words, such actions show who you truly are as a person, as an individual.

While your spark might seem gone, or significantly diminished after losing someone, your inner spark is still casting light as it always be. But at times, it doesn’t hurt, and in fact often helps, having someone else light another candle in the darkness; because nothing cast away darkness like light.

And nothing in this world cast light like true friendship.

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Notes:

[1] I realized that calling emotions ‘mechanized’ is problematic. A better alternative as an adjective escapes me and it’s really early, so let’s go with it since I wasn’t being literal.

[2] I also realize that each of the subjects of mindfulness, friendship, and loss, could be tackled independently. I chose not to in order to remain pragmatic while also letting what was on my mind flow naturally.

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